Anne Heck

Transformative Doll Making

I was interviewed this week by a woman doing her PhD project on healing and transformative doll making. One of her questions for me was “does a doll have agency of its own?”

“Absolutely,” I replied.

For the purpose of her study, she needed to challenge my belief, saying that most people would contend dolls are inanimate objects, and a belief in dolls having their own agency could be viewed as bordering on psychotic. I smiled. Had I been asked this question fifteen years ago, I would have sided with the masses.

I began making dolls in 2007. At the time, I was working to address my anger and fear. I could no longer use journaling nor words to describe and process my emotion. I wanted to pull my feelings outside of myself and mold them into something I could relate to and understand. Dolls became my vehicle for transformation.

As little beings emerge in the art of doll making, they hold obvious emotion. A body’s posture, the tilt of a head, the facial features are all expressive. But there’s more. A handmade doll is imbued with the creator’s intent, vision and heart. Its spirit, evidenced throughout its creation and in the completed piece, is unique—filled with wisdom and teachings that are available to those who inquire. For me, it’s the inquiry process that has demonstrated that dolls have their own agency.

Part of what I offer in my healing doll class is technique, but mostly I work to convey the importance of paying attention to what your process is teaching you, listening to inner dialogue and the intuitive voice of guidance. This type of listening can be used for any creative expression. It informs your work and provides insight into your inner domain—offering new perspectives and helping you through those challenging places in life.

I'm teaching a healing doll class May 19. It will be an intimate gathering in my home, and will be limited to five people. We'll use the medicine wheel as a guide for our creative journey and will engage in a listening process as we each make a doll. No artistic skill required—just an open heart, presence with the process and willingness to have fun! Details here.

Speaking of dolls, the fellow pictured here has emerged as I take pause in my transition from completing the writing of my book to what’s next. He’s enjoying the time to examine the beauty that surrounds him and is content with listening to the wind. His story follows:

Eljin O’Driscoll lives in Puzzlewood, a magical woodland in the Forest of Dean in Gloucestershire, England. Said to be one of JRR Tolkien’s inspirations, the ancient forest is home to more magical beings than one might imagine. Eljin inhabits one of the oldest yew trees—some 600 years of age—living in its hollow trunk with his friendly neighbors, the hoverflies, ladybirds and wood-boring beetles. He’s partial to early morning strolls along faint animal trails lined with ferns and moss, and is particularly cautious of the goshawk’s keen eye and hunting prowess. Eljin is congenial, though not terribly talkative and agreed to have his photo taken holding the morning’s ‘treasures from the trail’—‘lil bits and pieces of beauty found on his walk.

Listening for '100% YES'

Writing a book is a milestone; its completion, a turning point. As I take steps toward publishing, I’m feeling an inward shift—an adjustment from the solitude of deeply-focused days immersed in words to whatever is next. I have thoughts about what’s to come, but the thing is, these thoughts are simply that—thoughts. They’re ideas I spin in my mind to give me focus, to hold a sense of certainty about my future. There’s nothing inherently wrong with these thoughts, but the feelings that accompany them are not always comfortable—the underlying uncertainty and angst of sitting in the ‘not knowing.’

As I wrote my book, I didn’t always have clarity where I was headed, but the work pulled me in, it called me, it inspired me. The task before me held a '100% YES' quality; I knew I had to do it. It’s always been easy for me to push into life, making things happen just to create movement (I love movement). It’s uncomfortable to sit waiting for that next inspiration. I recall another time in my life when I was in transition. One of my teachers said, “don’t just do something, sit there.” I found this funny, but the thought of sitting and waiting for my next move unnerved me. The thing is, if I busy myself creating movement just for the sake of doing so, I’m not open and listening for the call, and I'll likely miss it.

When I was a young girl, my father taught me to sail. There were times when the wind would be blowing around us, while the boat sat still, sails luffing. “We’re in irons,” Dad would tell me. We’d pull the sail and the tiller in the same direction, encouraging the boat to catch the wild wind and begin, once again, to glide through the water. I didn’t like being in irons; I much preferred a steady sure course, having in sight my destination, feeling the wind in my sail and steering my boat with certainty and intent. 

But there’s an advantage to being in irons. In this place of uncertainty, you have the opportunity to survey the wind and to feel into the direction that will be an efficient point of sail. To turn through irons successfully, you need to listen to the wind, assess the clearest and best choice of direction, then fully commit by turning the boat HARD in that direction. This is what I did with my book. It didn’t mean that it was all smooth sailing, but I was clear in my choice to do it and was fully committed.

As I find myself in transition once again, I’ve decided to take heart. I’m never in irons for long. There are plenty of thoughts blowing around, but I want to find the next '100% YES.' So I’m committed to staying still, listening to the wind and waiting for my next call.  [photo by Tom Heck]

My 'WHY' is Larger Than My 'HOW'

My manuscript is in its final days of editing, and I feel excited for the process of birthing it to the world. I’ve spoken with numerous authors about the publishing process, about the path they’ve taken or not taken and why, about the challenges of marketing a new work.

I'm now seeking my path to publishing. I’m considering how much of the publishing process I want to engage in - designing a book cover, formatting the interior, putting together meta data for websites and submitting the book to big accounts (Amazon, B&N) as well as small independent book stores. If I don't choose to self-publish, then I must find a publisher, and once the book’s accepted by a publisher, it could be up to two years before it goes to print.

With all these pieces to consider, I could quickly move into anxiety and overwhelm; however, I’m grateful that my inner voice is screaming louder than all these thoughts swimming through my mind. My inner voice is telling me "you spent years browsing libraries and later the internet to find a true story of someone who had navigated their way to wholeness after rape—a story that could give you hope in what sometimes seemed a hopeless search." It's true. I wanted to read about those who’d been broken open and had come to discover their inner strength, their authentic voice and an understanding that our traumas are a precious part of our life experience. My book tells this story. Somehow, my ‘WHY’ feels bigger than my ‘HOW,' and I sense the pieces of the publishing process will fall into place as long as I keep my focus on the 'WHY.' This is helpful to me.

Though I’ve blogged and written poetry for the past twenty years, sharing bits and pieces of my healing journey, I knew that I wanted to put it all into a book. I couldn’t have arrived here without help—the support of my husband Tom, my editor Darlene and numerous friends who agreed to be beta readers for my drafted manuscript. Their wisdom, feedback and encouragement have been invaluable to me.

So you have an essence of what’s coming, the book’s working title is Rape, Forgiveness and Miracles: A Memoir. While the audience for this book includes survivors of sexual violence, the book will also appeal to women who are seeking to heal themselves at a deeper level than traditional psychotherapy or counseling might provide, and are open to the concepts of forgiveness and spirituality on their healing journey. 

This is my heart work. I look forward to making it available to you.

 

Get Behind Your Eyes

Some 15 years ago, a woman encouraged me "get behind your eyeballs." I thought this a funny phrase. I spent much of my time spinning thoughts of past and future in my mind and found it challenging, if not impossible, to simply be in the present moment, so this phrase was aptly directed towards me.

I've since had extensive opportunity to be present with myself and with my body - not in a way of my choosing - however, what we most need often comes in unexpected packages. Life had been waiting for me to come into myself, to listen with my whole being, to pay attention - to get behind my eyeballs. My experience is certainly more rich and vibrant with this refined perspective. 

Though the circumstances that helped me to understand this funny expression were uncomfortable, the teaching was invaluable. Being truly present takes a willingness to slow down, to hold a patient heart, to breath, to feel. When I take the time to show up in this way - to truly become present - all types of synchronicities occur, doors open and the beauty I imagine is right here where I am.
[Daisies at Sunrise photo by Anne Heck]