One of the things I've been looking at as I walk this healing path is the way in which my world mirrors what is happening within me. I have known this for some time on an intellectual level, but my experience so magnifies this magic that I felt it deserved sharing.
For the years following my rape, I was determined to return to a place of balance and ease -- like what I perceived life to be before my misfortune. To cope with the post-traumatic stress and other physical challenges, I painfully willed my way through them, observing them as a hindrance, not part of who I was -- and shaming myself for even having these experiences as part of my existence. I didn't want to identify at all with pain and suffering, so I rarely spoke of it, except with doctors and healers who were there to help me.
I remember an acupuncturist who had worked on me for over a year and had seen a side of me that I didn't reveal to others. She said to me that if I ever allowed the tears to flow, they would likely do so for quite some time. I was so fearful of this that I vowed to myself I would never let this occur in this lifetime. My view of expressing this depth and breadth of emotion was that of weakness.
I've learned over the past 6 months to finally embrace my pain, to show myself true compassion and to allow the river of tears to flow. And it hasn't been the horrible experience I had perceived, rather it has created within me a place of depth and richness where love flows more freely. And my world is more gentle and kind and full of textures and colors I don't remember experiencing this way before.
I see the balance of life -- the way in which my allowing the release of emotion has allowed abundance to flow to me.
Inspired by this experience, I decided to incorporate the lemniscate (or infinity symbol) into the cloak of my guardian doll to remind me of the perfection of all -- even those seemingly painful places in life -- and how they serve to guide us to a place of balance.