I'm not one to give in easily. It's been my nature to set a goal, hold clarity and be consistent in my efforts towards that end. This strategy usually produces the desired result, but has had its downfalls, not the least of which is self-imposed stress.
I've worked my body consistently for nearly two years to build the strength I've been visioning. I've stayed in the gym to be able to walk with comfort, to engage in activities with family and friends. Somehow, the strength and fluidity that once inhabited this body continue to elude me.
I assumed that so much attention - all that consistent, grueling and painful effort in the gym - would certainly produce the desired result. But as I got deeper into it, the pain became more intense. I have felt both disappointment and frustration.
It's been my experience that what occurs in the physical is simply a manifestation of what's taking place in the energetic realm. So, I've been curious about what's been happening back stage of this physical body ~ those subtle and not-so-subtle thoughts and beliefs that affect what's happening within and around me.
What I’ve learned is there are certainly benefits to being able to hold intent focus to reach a goal. There’s also a wisdom that’s called for to discern when to let go and simply be gentle with yourself. So, I’ve turned on some new lighting, some uplifting music, I’m working with small, subtle movement and am exploring this place of gentle. So far, it feels like a good fit. Regardless of outcome, I’m quite certain I’m due this reprieve.
These past two weeks as I sat with these musings, a new doll began to take form. She’s my inner healer, a wisdom keeper who symbolizes a culmination of my personal healing quest. She holds a medicine bundle of many gifts that have supported my healing. For me, she’s a reminder to keep gentleness and compassion at the forefront of whatever healing path I choose.